welcome
Contemplation
I've been thinking lately.
Actually it would be more truthful to say that God has brought some things to my attention recently. Basically, in regards to almost every aspect of my life, I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm talking about. That's essentially the revelation. I have no idea what is going on. But the trick is making you all think I do indeed know what is going on. Yeah, that's when I like to pretend that I'm really smart and put together and totally aware. Parts of this surface, and at times I can authentically be some of these, but the majority of the time I'm just faking it. I'm pretty good at faking it too.
So needless to say this is pretty crappy that I'm like this. I mean, its pride coming out in ways that I didn't know it existed. That happens all the time. I think I have every aspect of pride nailed down and then, wham, something hits me over the head. And I look at it and think, gee, I didn't know that was pride and God is saying, Yes dear, it is.
the enemy strikes back
Today was a weighty day. Not one in the good sense of weight, as in the weight of the glory of the Lord. Instead I felt an errie sense of heaviness, one that is not desired at all. I suppose it can be easily attributed to the drastic change in weather-- grey gloomy skies, cold and damp. The air certainly had a density to it. It could also be the stress and pressure of recent tests and deadlines. These can certainly weigh a person down. But instead I felt this incredible heaviness in the spiritual realm. It was so strange. It was though I was walking around all day in some sort of daze, not completely aware of the things and people around me. I felt like the sky. I felt thick and foggy; everything seemed to be clouded: my brain, my perspective, my spirit. And I didn't know how to lift it.
Sadly I had to go to community group tonight in this state. Throughout the rest of the evening I underwent a great siege spiritually. And it was as though the Enemy even robbed me of my passion to fight back. Instead, he was able to place a spell of apathy over me. I managed to make it through our evening, but I was disconnected in heart and mind. I didn't want to be there.
As the last girl walked out, I was left sitting in one of Erin's chairs. I mentioned to her that I did not feel at all like myself tonight. Then, before I could even realize it, I was fine. Back to normal gennie. And then it hit me that I had been under a fierce attack the entire afternoon and evening. Immediately I was angry at how Satan had robbed me of an opportunity of real fellowship with sisters tonight.
I know this was a direct response to the prayer time Erin and I had yesterday. It was totally Spirit led, and both of us felt empowered and impassioned during our prayers. Satan had to respond, didn't he? and he certainly did.
I just think that tonight was a sobering example of how the Enemy seeks to kill and destroy. He goes for every little bit of life he can, to rob us of it in order to prevent us from worshipping our awesome God. And I was also sobered at how tricky he is when it comes to this. I should have known he was after me today.
"With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints" Ephesians 6:18
this one isn't as exciting. but its still fun. that's all.
man, i've been having way too much fun on my computer lately...
Passion '05
I have already mentioned in the previous blog that 2005 is the year of passion for Gennie Davis. I thought I would just remind you friends, in case you forgot.
I think I am the most joyful in my life when God starts moving and revealing things to me through people and events, and then He starts backing it up with scripture. This is when I really can see the Lord present and active withing me and my surroundings.
This morning in my time with God, I came across and incredibly encouraging passage in Romans. What Paul was addressing to the Romans was exactly what God has been addressing me with over the last three weeks or so. It is absolutely my heart's desire for my brothers and sisters to be of one heart and of one mind together as a body. This has been the cry of my heart for sometime, and despite recent frustrations, the Lord has begun to answer such a prayer. Here is what I came across:
"Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ, we who are many form one body, and each member belongs ot all the others... Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fevor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Romans 12:4-5, 9-12
When I read this, every single issue God has brought to my heart was addressed. And, as if that wasn't enough, the Lord gave me Acts 4:32 (all the believers were one in heart and mind...) and Ephesians 6:18 (and pray in the Spirit on all occasions... Be alert and and always keep praying for all the saints). Needless to say, I think the Lord desires for this year to be the year of passion for all of us, not just me. And in reality, this should be continual for the rest of our lives. God is totally awesome.
my my my
i just got back from our amazing valentine's day singles party. it was so refreshing to be with good friends and to enjoy the evening as such. none of this sappy feel bad for ourselves nonsense. i couldn't have asked for a better party for us all.
i also had an amazing weekend with friends in waco, Tx. in addition to spending two days with those i already knew well, i gained two more friends, which was such a blessing. it was a weekend that felt incredibly opposed by the enemy, considering i battled with sickness before and after the trip, but the Lord really prevailed in showing up and providing much needed fellowship and encouragement. lots of it. so thanks, God. you're awesome.
it feels as though my new year is just now starting. does that make any sense? like i'm just now getting around to seeing things in a new light. a refreshing outlook on things. it is like i have been two months behind or something with feeling a fresh start. but nonetheless, i'm excited about this year, and even next. i feel a restored hope and passion that has been lacking for the last several months. i have deemed 2005 the year of passion. obviously, i'm pretty passionate about it.
all of this might sound general and unspecified, and that is because it would take far too much time to explain everything on a silly blog. but if you do see me, or want to know more, i would most definitely love to expand on these ideas.
hmmm
i was thinking today. i have a tendency to do that from time to time. but today i was thinking about something in particular that was making my mind whirl. it was in regards to heaven, and heaven knows i can't begin to comprehend anything to do with it. i sporadically will catch myself in a web of thought based around heaven. its is so fascinating. there is just no way to begin to understand it.
as i walked to class this morning, tiny specs of snow flurries were sticking to my fleece. i was walking with my head facing the ground because it was so frigidly cold-- i got a little beat going in my head to the pace of my walk. and then the thought hit me: suppose that there is music in heaven. i assume this because music is such a standard form of worship, and the Bible is filled with references to song and dance. well, also take the fact that God is a God of no time. He created time when He created earth, but time is only subject to our earthly realm. God exists outside of time. So i know that when i go to heaven, i will then be with God in His realm and not on earth... and there will be music... but the music will have no time. So does this mean that music in heaven is constrained to sound without time? is it simply random notes that make a whole formation but functioning with the absence of rhythm? is it like classical music? or am i being naieve by assuming that there could be no such thing as continual beat in heaven? afterall, God can do anything He wants, so who is to say that there is no such rhythm or time in heaven. i can only assume that God is not subjected to such an idea.
So maybe there is a good beat to the grand musical assembly that heaven offers me. But until i arrive there, i will never know. i'm strictly limited to my little brain that cannot wrap itself around the idea.
late night
so it is almost 1:00 am, which might not seem late in modern day college circles, but it is for me. i have technically been in bed since nine tonight cause i'm battling a pretty crappy cold of some sort, but i was rudly awakened by our "sex-door neighbor" at about 12:30 and haven't been able to sleep since.
i suppose there is really nothing on my mind. usually there is this late at night, so i'm not even sure why i am on here.
i am ready for spring to be here. i'm so tired of it being 55 one day and 39 the next and rainy and partly sunny and miserable outside. if its going to be cold, be cold. don't give me this 50 degree stuff. and if its going to be warm, be warm. i don't prefer it to be ridiculously hot outside, especially in arkansas where it is humid and gross, but you get the idea.
why does one always seem to get sick during the busiest week of one's life?
although its nothing spectacular, i just think this is really sweet. erin loved that water.
I'm captivated by this tree
i'm a sucker for ridiculous close ups
these were all taken at gulley-- couldn't ask for a better subject than erin johnson
photos
Sometimes I think it is so strange how I am only capable of seeing things from my perspective and no one else's. I mean, I would love to be able to see the world through another's eyes for a day, but that is not possible so I am stuck with only my view. Its okay like this, because I also think about how no one ever will really understand the way I see things because they are not me. Erin and I talked about this extensively last night until really late.
One great example of this is the way I actually
see the world. I see things of this world in ways they should be-- almost like an idealist view. Now, I'm not talking about being an idealist and thinking that the world shoudl be utopia or we should all have peace blah blah blah. I mean, when I actually look at an object, my mind registers it in a matter that catagorizes it as art. When I see a tree, I don't just see a tree, I see an exaggerated form of the tree or I see the tree in outrageous colors or with extended lines. I see it the way I feel it. Does that make sense? Anyway, because I am this way, I would love to stop and draw or paint or bring to life certain things I see through creative expression. And since I can't carry around paint and a canvas all day, I take little snap shots of things with my mind. Its pretty neat, really. at least I think so. But its also frustrating because I don't always have a camera on me either.
I also like photographs because its a chance to not only express sight with feeling, but also an opportunity to create a story behind it. There is nothing better than looking at a picture and not just thinking its beautiful and interesting, but to see it an imagine an entire story with it. Those are the best kinds in my opinion.
In honor of photographs, here are some of mine from recently.
